


you have displaced the mirth

by protectoroffaeries



Series: they think me macbeth [6]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Brother-Sister Relationships, F/M, Family, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, Rebellious Ideas, References to Macbeth, References to Shakespeare, Religion, Secrets, Stars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-06
Updated: 2017-04-06
Packaged: 2018-10-15 09:09:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10553760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/protectoroffaeries/pseuds/protectoroffaeries
Summary: “You have displaced the mirth, broke the good meeting…”





	

**Author's Note:**

> Y'all read the poem Dulce Et Decorum Est? Because I'm such a huge nerd/loser that I recognized the Latin as the phrase on Laurens' grave, not as like, the title to a famous WWI poem... (Cue really confusing conversation in my history class...)

Martha is five years younger than her elder brother, and since he spent so much time abroad and at war, she would say she doesn't know him well.

That does not mean she doesn’t remember playing in the yard with him as a little girl. That does not mean she doesn’t remember him helping her up when she would fall and scrape her knees. That does not mean she doesn’t weep when news of his passing.

Martha thinks that it is the least she could do, to make up for not knowing him in life, to respect him in death. So she takes it upon herself to go through his things.

~

John is in her earliest memories. He's a blur, she'll admit. But she remembers the curl of his hair, and the freckles in his smile. She remembers how he used to carry her around the yard to show off. She remembers how he used swipe her extra treats just to make her giggle.

She knows her memories are of a little boy, not of the man he became when he was thrust into European aristocratic life, when he charged into war. That does not prepare her for his secrets, however. Secrets that a boy could never have, but certainly every man has in some capacity. Though probably not  _ exactly _ like John's.

John has a lover. John  _ had  _ a lover. His name was Alexander. His name  _ is  _ Alexander.

Martha thinks this is the type of thing that should only happen in those romances that she hides from her father. Of course, there's nothing  _ queer _ about those romances; they star man and woman. But Martha has often thought that if men have so much contempt for women, they might as well bed each other. In any case, she does not believe this sin is any worse than others. At least, it reads as if John and his Alexander were quite in love.

She traces the words  _ my Dear Laurens  _ at the top of one of the pages. The last of Alexander's letters is dated just about two weeks ago; there is no way to tell if John responded to it or not. Probably not. Someone should write him. He deserves to know.

~

Martha should've known her father would burn the letter. It is the  _ sensible  _ thing to do.

Martha is not sensible. She kept some of the letters: the sweeter, less crude ones. She will keep them safe, for John. For his daughter, too, perhaps, if she one day has questions about her father. 

She wonders who will be tasked with raising the poor orphaned girl. She doesn't think she'd mind, though it'd be a tad difficult to be a proper mother out of her father's household. But young Frances is still in England; it is not a decision for today.

Today, Martha has to write a letter.

_ Col. Hamilton, _

_ It is my unpleasant duty to inform you of the passing of my son, Col. John Laurens, on the 27th of August. He was killed in action… _

~

From the way her father glares at her but has no words to speak, Martha understands that Alexander responded to her letter. So he knows. She hopes that helps John's soul rest easily.

~

Frances is a joy.

Martha loves her instantly. She's still a small girl, bright and gay, and she loves to play games. Games that remind Martha of the ones she and John used to play. She wishes the girl had a brother, like she did herself, but then, it's probably for the best that she doesn't. There’ll just be another war - there's always another war, another great cause - and she'd lose him. Better not to know someone than to lose them. Though it could be argued that Martha never knew John at all, and yet here she is, pretending she did.

Father says Frances looks like John. Actually, he doesn't  _ say  _ it, but he looks like a ghost was delivered to his doorstep when she arrives with her nanny. Martha interprets that as  _ Frances looks like John.  _ She can see it herself, a bit. The curls. The freckles. She doesn't know if those are his eyes or those of his ill-fated wife. They seem too full of life to mirror a pair in a corpse's head somewhere.

_ ~ _

Martha peers at the stars sometimes. She isn't some silly stargazer, head full of lights and nothing else, but she thinks they're pretty.

When her young brother, James, died, she didn't know how to react.  She knew him less than she knew John, but it was still shameful that she could barely bring herself to weep for him, just a boy. She isn't even certain that she's reacting to the loss of John correctly. Men and women, brothers and sisters, blood. Can anything truly tie them together?

Martha thinks the stars are the answer, which sounds frivolous and idiotic at first. But everyone looks at the same stars, yes? And everyone sees the same lights.

Certainly, John had to look at the stars once or twice, camping on battlefields and whatnot. Martha spends more than one night trying to figure out what he made of them.

It doesn't occur to her until many years later that she should've looked for John himself in the Heavens.

~

Martha stands on the porch. Mepkin is too big for her to see it all at once, but she knows whereabouts the family cemetery is.

_ Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori,  _ they wrote on John's grave,  _ sweet and proper it is to die for one's country. _

But it is? Martha finds herself wanting to ask not John, but his Alexander.

~


End file.
